Naked Antelope

 You couldn’t call me a taxidermist for two reasons. One is we specialize in European work, you know just the horns and skull. Two, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing when it comes to putting a skin on a form. But even with my in-experience I’m determined to get this naked antelope dressed and looking good for the coming season.

It all started with a paper decoy in 2006 which got our first antelope into bow range. For the 2007 season we made the dubious upgrade to plastic. Needed something more durable for dragging across the prairie. That resulted in yet another exciting hunt with an antelope making a charge for the decoy.  2008 is truly the ultimate upgrade. With horns from 2006 and hide from 2007 we have taken on the challenge to produce the perfect look alike.

I mentioned earlier that I ain’t gotta clue when it comes to forms, hides and good looks but we are heading into deep water and sink or swim, bring it on. First thing I did was ask lots of questions. “Ya, you can do it, ain’t that hard. Just have to know a few things is all.” Right, know a few things and be mentally prepared for the challenge of a lifetime.

First the form is way too big. Even a green novice like me can see that the form is a cross between a 7 year old massive chested whitetail buck and a wild, bug eyed goat. Out comes the sawzall, fillet knife, power sander. Ya, ain’t seen a mess ‘til I’ve been turned loose on a giant foam block with a bunch of power tools. In your face, stuck on the eye lashes, in the hair, up the nose. Machined foam comes standard with enough static to stick to Teflon.  Even the shop vac can’t touch it.

Taxidermist and tailor have gotta be synonymous. We tried on the hide 50 different times for sizing. First the face is too long. Neck is just right at the ears but way too big at the shoulder. Distended belly requires a massive lipo suction job. You can’t believe how small the lower leg is until you try to sew up a hide. Just keep cutting and sanding Schoneck, you ain’t even close.

Thankfully this is a family affair. Jesse and Levi are moral support and good listeners to my constant whining. If I would have done this right from the beginning it would be much easier but with all the cuts in the wrong place we have a week’s worth of stitching ahead of us. If you thought the powdered foam was a mess you gotta get into hide paste. Ya, it’s gooey, sticky, messy and is by nature attracted magnetically to the hair. Comes right out though according to the directions. Right.

We finally get the outfit on and with a little flat black make up for the eyes and lips we got us a creation named Jasper! You talk about anticipation. No paper or plastic this year. Just like love. Can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t think of anything but antelope. Ain’t no stopping us now!

Just like love, time has a way of distilling the romance down to reality. Geez, ya think his horns are too big? Why would they run like that from such a masterfully done counterfeit? Too early I’m betting. Give ‘em a few days and the rut will be on. Maybe we should have brought along the plastic for backup.

With decoying not working the best we decide on another approach. Setting up the blind in a field where we have been seeing antelope feeding is the next strategy. The idea is to set up late in the evening and then very early next morning slip into the blind unnoticed. My wife has been appointed designated driver. We are simply going to slide off the tailgate as she slows to a crawl at the pre-appointed location. Worked great too, if she hadn’t driven off with Jesse’s bow. After all the screaming for her to stop I suspect the goats were on to us. Later morning we did get one to come into 108 yards. Just out of my range by 88 yards.

Next day we are back to the old pattern of decoying. I spot a herd with an upset buck who is working overtime tossing a contender out of the ring. We stop at the closest house and get permission from a sweet Grandma type who explains in detail how we need to make the approach. Armed with her deep knowledge of antelope and terrain we head off, confident of success.

Screaming is usually not associated with antelope success but as you may have already determined we are the exception. Just as we are getting into position for the stalk I hear a 4 wheeler gunning down the 2 track followed by extremely loud yelling. “I told you boys to go over here!” Rather than get run down by a 4 wheeling mad Grandma, I decide to follow her advice. Who knows, maybe God is trying to tell me something.